# Horse in a bar(-:



## Tag (Jun 11, 2014)

Horse walks into a bar, bartender says "Why the long face"


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## Susi (Mar 3, 2013)

He was jealous of cows. Cows, outstanding in their field.


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## GrayWolf (May 14, 2012)

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "what is this, some kind of joke?"


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## Imperial (Feb 9, 2011)

an old man walks in and falls to the ground.


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## Tag (Jun 11, 2014)

Lol!!!!!!


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## stinger (Jul 6, 2014)

Two guys walk into a bar........you think the second guy would have seen it.


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## JonM (Aug 17, 2013)

Olie comes home from the pickle factory early. Lena, concerned asks " Olie vie are you home so early?" Olie says" vell Lena, I got my tingy caught in da pickle cutter" Lena was shocked, "Oh my Olie vhat happened?" Olie looks up sheepishly..."Vell, dey fired her too"...... :rofl:


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## GrayWolf (May 14, 2012)

Most women will say the men always exaggerate when talking about length. I'm here to tell you, women know exactly what 6" is.....it's the length of a $20 bill :neener:


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## Imperial (Feb 9, 2011)

a guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. he turns to the bartender and says "boy i wish i could do that!" the bartender replies, "you better try petting him first."


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## Tag (Jun 11, 2014)

Good ones!!!!!!!


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## Susi (Mar 3, 2013)

Two guys sitting at the bar, stone drunk, each with a bottle and shotglass in front of them, both passed out on the bar. One wakes up, pours himself a drink and before he passes out again, smells something foul coming from the other drunk sitting beside him. He says, "Hey, wake up! Did you poo your pants?" 2nd drunk wakes up and replies, "Yep!". First drunk says, "Well then, why don't you go and clean yourself up?" 2nd drunk replies, " ..."' 'cause I ain't done yet."

chuck


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## Chimes (Mar 8, 2011)

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Want to hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2″, weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5″ pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah , not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


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## Tentacle Toast (Jan 17, 2013)

GrayWolf said:


> Most women will say the men always exaggerate when talking about length. I'm here to tell you, women know exactly what 6" is.....it's the length of a $20 bill :neener:


Another one for the ladies:

On their honeymoon, it's time for the two virgin newlyweds to consummate their vows. The wife says to the husband, "I've got a confession to make. I'm flat as a board up top." the husband looked a little disappointed & came back with "while I've got a confession to make too, dear; I'm hung like a newborn baby down below." She looked rather disappointed herself, but sucked it up & said "well, we didn't marry each other for our bodies now, did we honey? Take off your pants, & lets make the most of it..." she faked a smile, as he unzipped his trousers. When they dropped to the floor, she looked down & fainted...she came to & said "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE HUNG LIKE A NEWBORN BABY!?!?" he said "I am! 22", 8lbs, 9oz..."


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## Tentacle Toast (Jan 17, 2013)

Imperial said:


> an old man walks in and falls to the ground.


I love anti-jokes;

A man walks into a bar...

...his alcoholism was destroying his family...


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## Chimes (Mar 8, 2011)

Explicit Joke.



Spoiler



A business man has this girlfriend who is addicted to sex.

He really loves her, and of course hes a guy so he doesn't mind it.
Well because hes a business man he has to travel a lot for his job, so he had to go on a trip, but he was afraid his girl would cheat on him. So he went to an adult store in search of something for her to use. A clerk came up to him and asked him what he was looking for, he explained his situation and the clerk told him that he had just the perfect thing for him. He led the business man to the back of the store and pulled out a wooden box. He explained "alright, inside this box is a voodoo dick. All you gotta do it say voodoo dick whatever it is you want it too and open the box. Like this: Voodoo dick the door,"he opened the box and the dick jumped out and went over and started humping the door. "To get it back in all you gotta do is say voodoo dick back in the box." and the dick got back in. So the man bought it and took it home. He explained to his girlfriend that all she had to do when she got horny was tell the dick "voodoo dick my ****" and it would do it. So he left and went on his trip. Not long after his girl got horny so she opened the box and said "voodoo dick my ****" it jumped out and started giving it too her. Well after hours and hours of doing it, she realized she didn't know how to make it stop. So after trying and trying she got into her car and decided to go to the hospital, on the way she swerved all over the road. A passing cop saw this and pulled her over. The woman explained the situation and the cop scoffed and said "Hah...voodoo dick my ***


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## Tag (Jun 11, 2014)

Lol, good ones


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## Chimes (Mar 8, 2011)

Spoiler



A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

My son said, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?"

I said, "I was 18. I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."
He said, "So what happened?"
I said, "Nothing. The c*nt missed and hit your f***ing Mother."

A pregnant woman got shot 3 times and recovered, but the bullets were never found. Later she had triplets, two girls and one boy.
Many years later, the first girl came up to her mom and told about how she peed out a bullet.
The next day the second came up and the mother said, "Lemme guess, you peed out a bullet too." She was right.
The next day her young boy came up to his mom and says, "Mom, I'm so ashamed of what just happened" The mother replied, "Aw, honey, it's alright, your sisters peed out a bullet too, it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"No, that's not it" he said. "I was rubbing myself, and I think I shot the dog"


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## Chimes (Mar 8, 2011)

Spoiler



A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

My son said, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?"

I said, "I was 18. I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."
He said, "So what happened?"
I said, "Nothing. The c*nt missed and hit your f***ing Mother."

A pregnant woman got shot 3 times and recovered, but the bullets were never found. Later she had triplets, two girls and one boy.
Many years later, the first girl came up to her mom and told about how she peed out a bullet.
The next day the second came up and the mother said, "Lemme guess, you peed out a bullet too." She was right.
The next day her young boy came up to his mom and says, "Mom, I'm so ashamed of what just happened" The mother replied, "Aw, honey, it's alright, your sisters peed out a bullet too, it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"No, that's not it" he said. "I was rubbing myself, and I think I shot the dog"



Having issues with my mouse atm, it double clicked and posted twice. Can I get someone to take the second post down possibly?

Thanks in Advance
-Chimes


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## Davidka (Jun 8, 2013)

Horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks: 'would you like to drink your beer with a straw?'. *'A* straw?' replies the horse, 'I would like to drink it with A LOT of straw!'.


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