# I love to hear people’s trademark personal sayings



## Tag

One of my life lessons was by Al Copone???? I’m sure he didn’t intend for it to be used in a positive way, but “oh well” He once said “ Don’t take kindness for weakness”


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## mattwalt

I like that actually - its a great life lesson.

My father-in-law said this once: "The other guy probably feels exactly what you do about him towards yourself, but worse." Though its not always the truth it often gives me a chance to pause, deliberate if my feelings, or another's are deserved in a given circumstance.


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## Ibojoe

Our company motto: we might be slow, but we sure are expensive!


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## Jolly Roger

There are two kinds of knowledge. "You either know it or you know where to find it." Always thought Dad was pretty sharp when he used that one. Then one day after he died, I opened up his old encyclopedia set and on the inside cover of each volume was that quote in big bold letters. At least with the encyclopedia one does not have to read someone telling him what a dumb question that was. Always a straight forward and direct answer without sarcasm or condemnation. But now we have Google.


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## Ordo

Anonymous from the web:

I will accept compliments, even if they come from people I despise.


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## flipgun

One of my favorites is, "Duct tape will fix anything but stupid."

'


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## Tag

Lol flipgun


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## rosco

Recent one from JR that is so freaking obvious, concise and pertinent, I'm surprised I hadn't heard it before -

"Don't sweat the small stuff"

I've locked it in the vault!


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## The Norseman

1 When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

2 Before you say something harsh about someone, try walking a mile in their shoes. It's very convenient because even if you're really rude, you're a mile away AND you've got their shoes.

3 Whoever said "nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.

4 If pro is the opposite of con, what would then be the opposite of progress?


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## cpu_melt_down

My old boss always quoted his mother...

"Can't never could"

It always pops in my mind whenever I have doubt!


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## treefork

*Big Tom Callahan*: Of course, I can get a hell of a good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it.


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## d3moncow

"If you make a man a fire, he is warm for a day. If you set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life".

"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".

-Terry Pratchett

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism".

-Jason Mraz

"Repression is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours".

-Ronald Reagan

I practically collect these.


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## Hobbit With A Slingshot

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it."

--Mark Twain :king:


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## Tag

Mark Twain is one of my favorites. I purchased his autobiography as soon as it came out.


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## Hobbit With A Slingshot

"Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much."

--Oscar Wilde


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## flipgun

The proof that the world is not flat is fact that if it was, cats would have pushed everything off the edges already.


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## Hobbit With A Slingshot

"More pondering, less screaming."

--MJ


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## mattwalt

There's a frood who really knows where his towel is. - Douglas Adams


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## Ordo

On a more serious vein, I've always been an admirer of Max Hermann's Desiderata, such a wise and caring text. So, based on my own, tho limited life experience, I wrote a personal, abreviated version. And my apologies. My native language is Spanish; nontheless I tried my best to translate it properly.


Take care of the beauty that surrounds you. It's a loan.
Search for pleasure, but not in detriment of your integrity.
Don't judge. Don't put a limit to your understanding.
Respect yourself. Never exhibit your misery as a value.
Don´t kill, don't harm, don't despise.
Be corageous. There's no going back from cowardy.
Your word is more valuable than your life.
Do something good that remains.
Look for other people happiness.
Let death find you knowing who you were and who you were not.


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## Tag

It took me a long time not to judge me through someone elses eyes- Sally Field. I especially like this quote, because I have nieces and nephews that are at that age in life where peer pressure can bevery harmful.


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## Tag

What used to P I # # me off, I now find amusing


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## Tag

No one can make you feel inferior without you consent❤ Eleanor Rosevelt


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## The Norseman

mattwalt said:


> There's a frood who really knows where his towel is. - Douglas Adams


Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is one of my favorites!


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## Ordo

And they lived unhappily, because it was cheaper.


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## Ordo

And this one, a Zen saying:

Who sees the clouds in the water sees the fish in the sky.


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## Tag

Its as clear as mud


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## Hulla Baloo

"This road patrolled by aircraft."

Man, they weren't kidding...


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## Cjw

"Are we having fun yet ? "

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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## Tag

Lmao???? good one CJW


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## devils son in law

Maybe a little off topic, but I used to work for a guy we all called Big Earl and he was funny.

He'd told me something once and I told him that he was correct, he said " when I tell you the blueberries are ripe, grab your bucket"! I still use that one.


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## Cjw

"I'll slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you"

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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## Jolly Roger

Life is too serious to take seriously.


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## Jolly Roger

Go take a high flying leap at a low rolling doughnut.


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## Tag

I will probably be at the airport when my ship comes in


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## Tag

The light at the end of the tunnel is a train


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## BushpotChef

The perfect wife is a woman you can throw the gun to. 

Sent from my SM-J320W8 using Tapatalk


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## BushpotChef

Friggen favorite book. 


mattwalt said:


> There's a frood who really knows where his towel is. - Douglas Adams


Sent from my SM-J320W8 using Tapatalk


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## flipgun

I was slag fighting (trading insults with a couple of guys) in a bar. If they can't come up with a come back, they have to buy you a beer. Two of my winners were, "If stupid was ugly, You'd look like your mama!" The other was, "If forkin' dumb was good looks you would be Miss America."


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## Tag

Wait until your Father gets home


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## Jolly Roger

You can put that where the sun don't shine.


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## Jolly Roger

Well if you ain't smiling like the canary that ate the cat.


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## Jolly Roger

Another one from Dad: A farting horse never tires and a farting man is the one to hire.


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## treefork

If you want to soar like an eagle stop hanging around the pigeons .

" My father "


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## mattwalt

You're not to far to walk home...


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## Tag

Have you ever just sit and reminisce, and get to laughing out loud, with no one around I don’t remember what led up to my dumb A## attack, but I do remember this part My friends and I did something that caught the attention of our parents, and I remember it like it was yesterday. My Dad asked me why I did whatever it was and I replied, because my friends did it he immediately asked me “if my friends jumped off a cliff, would I” here is my Dumb A## attack My Dad said, Well? I said wait, I’m thinking


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## Jolly Roger

If you can't pee like the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Another of Dad's favorites....you couldn't find your - - - with both hands. Or you don't know your - - - from a hole in the ground.

When asked what I was doing and replied Nothing...Dad came back with How do you know when your through. My reply was When I start doing something.

Sh- - in one hand and wish in the other and see which hand gets full first.

It takes a good driver to hit all of the bumps in the road.

When a speeding car passed Dad always replied h e l l ain't half full....The web site won't even let me say h e l l. hence he double l. But I beat the system....just went back and put a space between letters.

More than one way to skin a cat.

The road to h e l l is paved with good intentions.


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## flipgun

If you can't stand not knowing, Life is the wrong business to be in,

In case you haven't guessed I wrote a book of stuff like this.


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## Tag

It’s tough to soar with Eagles when you work with Turkeys


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## Cjw

Better to be thought an idiot than open your mouth and remove all doubts.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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## Tag

Lol Cjw


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## Tag

an elderly gentleman who was like my grandfather was always there when I needed him for advice one day I went to tell him what was bothering me after I had finished he looked at me and asked” What was you worried about this time last week”


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## Ordo

Good one Tag. This was said by some WW II General (who, may be without knowing it, was quoting Montainge) to Winston Churchill:

Most of my life I was worried about things that never happened.


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## marky

Why pamper life's complexities,

when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat.

Morrissey.


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## Tag

Good one Marky


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## marky

Cheers Tag.

It really all come down to, 'looking a gift horse' sort of thing, but I'll throw it out there now and again.


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## skropi

Dialogue is the best path when violence fails.


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## rosco

???


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## skropi

Lol Rosco, it's satire  Stole it from Terry Pratchet actually.


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## rosco

whew......and here am I thinking I'll just have to back up and tip toe quietly away.....

✌


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## devils son in law

marky said:


> Cheers Tag.
> It really all come down to, 'looking a gift horse' sort of thing, but I'll throw it out there now and again.


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## Hobbit With A Slingshot

"Liberty is telling people what the don't want to hear"

"In a time of universal deceit--telling the truth is a revolutionary act."

--Eric Arthur Blair

(AKA George Orwell)


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## Tag

Those are so true Hobbit


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## Tag

My Mother’s side of the family were water well drillers, and I can still hear them say” It’s colder than a well diggers A##


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## Tag

When some one says they lost something the phrase that always made me wonder the most is “Where was the last place you had it I kind of remember only saying “If I knew that It wouldn’t be lost” one time to my parents❤


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## Jolly Roger

I have noticed Tag that when I loose something it is almost always found in the last place I look.


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## skropi

JR, actually it's always in the last place you look, not almost. The reason being you search no more after you find it


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## treefork

" Use your head for something besides a hat rack . "

Dad


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## Tag

Now that’s funny TreeFork


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## Tag

I’ve been told this a time or two “don’t let the door hit you where the sun don’t shine


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## treefork

" Woman are like your shadow . Chase them and they run from you . Run from them and they chase you "

A wise man


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## flipgun

I didn't mean to offend you. That was just a lucky accident.


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## Tag

Lmao flipgun


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## flipgun

You never know what a Lady will do unless you ask her. Neither does she.


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## Ordo

The last screw won't come off easily.


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## Tag

Good one


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## Tag

Lol flipgun


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## Tag

Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part


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## d3moncow

Just because you pulled off a bad idea does not make it a good one.


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## Tag

I like that one


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## d3moncow

Tag said:


> I like that one


Thanks, I just made it up. :/


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## Tag

Sometimes they are the best ones


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## flipgun

Nobody likes a skunk at picnic.


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## Tag

That’s perfect, I will definitely pass that one on


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## Beanflip

Tag said:


> Mark Twain is one of my favorites. I purchased his autobiography as soon as it came out.


   LOL


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## Tag

I also purchased his book


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## SlingNerd

My Uncle is an extremely intelligent man, no boast. He is also one of the kindest and most generous men I've ever had the honor to know. But when he is wronged or challenged by someone who talks with their @$$ instead of their head, he warns them with one of the most succinct and subtly savage lines I've ever heard.

"You're showing up to a battle of wits unarmed."

I'm told my Grandfather would say it and that's where my Uncle learned it. It's unfortunate that I was too young to remember my Grandpa before he passed because the stories told about him make me think he would have been a darn good time.

I've never used this line myself, not yet anyway. I'm waiting for the perfect moment.


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## Tag

That’s a great one


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## Tag

Can’t see the forest for the trees


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## flipgun

I know very little, I understand even less. I don't trust any of it.


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## Tag

I like that flipgun


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## Tag

Take a flying leap on a rolling donut


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## Tag

The bullies used to tell us “I’ll hit you so hard your Grand kids will feel it”


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## Jolly Roger

The only way to fight a woman is with your hat. Put your hat on and leave.


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## Tag

Lmao


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## flipgun

I always liked this one.

When all is said and done, there is always more said than done.


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## Tag

Good one, never heard that one


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## devils son in law

Tag said:


> The bullies used to tell us "I'll hit you so hard your Grand kids will feel it"


I'm gonna dislocate his future!!!


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## Tag

If you had a brain you’d be dangerous


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## Tag

I have half a mind to tell your parents


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## Tag

Hes only got one oar in the water


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## Tag

He can’t walk and chew gum at the same time


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## Tag

Neighbor used to say he had a catch in his git along


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## JonM

I've had a hitch in my giddy up on occassion


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## Tag

Lol JonM


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## flipgun

One of my co-workers reminded me of these today.

"Useless as ti ts on a boar hog."

"If BS was music, you'd be a brass band"


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## Tag

Those are great


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## Tag

Don’t drink your bath water


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## Tag

He got the short end of the stick


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## Tag

A friend used to ssy wwhen he had a cold, My feet smell and my nose runs


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## Tag

One of our older farmers used to say If Im lying Ill tell you.


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## Tag

If you are hoing to drink all day, you have to get started early


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## Hobbit With A Slingshot

Political parties are to society as prescription medications are to the individual. Food for thought.


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## Tag

This is true


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## devils son in law

Get your biscuits in the oven and get your buns in the bed!


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## Jolly Roger

Looks like she got beat with an ugly stick.

Ya gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em.

It is about to hit the fan.

Let a sleeping dog lie.

Life is too short to ride an ugly horse.

Never speak ill of a man's horse, pickup, dog or woman....in that order.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Don't let the door hit you in the backside on your way out.

All fishermen are liars except you and me and sometimes I'm not so sure about you.

Lets go we're burning daylight.

If you're just hanging in there, don't let the rope get tight.

Life is ahead of you; stop looking in the rear view mirror.

The early bird gets the worm....but who likes to eat worms anyway?

You're not giving me a horse; you're giving me your feed bill.


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## NoGuarantees

What's good for the goose is good for the gander! (I used that when I was pressed for medical procedures.)

They threw out the baby with the bath water! (This comes to mind with our typical politicians doing something for a vote, rather than doing something for the good of it.)

Don't slobber-lip that bottle! (We told that to our neighbor kid who we truly liked but he had some kind of drooling problem - poor guy.)

He can get glad in the same pair of underwear that he got mad in! (I heard this fairly often around people who had "issues" with others.)

Did you get him? (We always asked that anytime we caught someone picking their nose.)

Of course we all know.....Early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Also, I was told by a army recruiter that we would stay in a building just like a Holiday Inn.

And for about three months I heard.....My Mama is going to get me out of this Army, she is writing a letter to her congressman!

Why is it that when you do something that is a little against the grain someone says "You can't do that!!!" You reply is "I just did".

Well I better quit for now...I am getting a frog in my throat!


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## NoGuarantees

Well, I have been trying to sleep for the past 15 minutes and I can't sleep. I feel bad, uncomfortable, joints, back, neck, headache, nerve shakiness in my gut as if I haven't eaten in days. I am sure my blood sugar has been way high for the past two days...

I feel like I have been shot at and missed, and #$%& at and hit!


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## Tag

Those are some fun sayings thank you


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## devils son in law

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If you don't like the smell of sh*@ don't stir it

Don't start none there won't be none.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cuz I can see myself in those pants! :rofl:


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## flipgun

I was a guest at an "ART SHOW" :yeahright: at a gallery in Shreveport La. . Unfortunately, there was free champagne. :uhoh: Lots of it. I was looking at what looked like a Pollock knock off and someone gushed, "Don't you just LOVE It?" I replied, "You will have to excuse me from having an opinion; I'm not sophisticated enough to appreciate crap like this as Art."

PDQ on the sidewalk.


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## Tag

Lmao


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## Tag

Shoot low they’re riding Shetlands


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## Jolly Roger

Do these pants make me look fat? Answer: No you look fat without the pants.


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## Tag

Lmao J R


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## Tag

If the dog didn’t stop to poop he’d caught the rabbit


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## Tag

Man Poop is just not right but there may be some offended


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## THWACK!

"Outside of a book, a dog is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."

Groucho Marx


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## THWACK!

Tag said:


> He got the short end of the stick


Huh? That isn't possible?

; )


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## THWACK!

SlingNerd said:


> My Uncle is an extremely intelligent man, no boast. He is also one of the kindest and most generous men I've ever had the honor to know. But when he is wronged or challenged by someone who talks with their @$$ instead of their head, he warns them with one of the most succinct and subtly savage lines I've ever heard.
> 
> "You're showing up to a battle of wits unarmed."
> 
> I'm told my Grandfather would say it and that's where my Uncle learned it. It's unfortunate that I was too young to remember my Grandpa before he passed because the stories told about him make me think he would have been a darn good time.
> 
> I've never used this line myself, not yet anyway. I'm waiting for the perfect moment.


In the meantime, you might as well practice your delivery...

...just sayin'...


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## treefork




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## Tag

Lmao TreeFork


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## d3moncow

Copped from the same site as Treefork's, because that was fantastic:

"It's hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it's dam near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person".


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## flipgun

You are in the most danger when you think you're safe.


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## BushpotChef

I asked a lady at Walmart if her kid on a leash was a rescue. The vulgar language wasnt necessary, but I did thank her for not siccing her son on me. 

Sent from my SM-J320W8 using Tapatalk


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## Tag

Eat all your food on your plate so you can grow up big and strong well they were half right


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## flipgun

More often than not you lock the Devil in with you.


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## raventree78

"Some days I Thrive,

Some days I Survive"

--Raventree78

This is actually my everyday motto and philosophy, I'm thinking of getting it as a Tattoo.


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## Tag

Well said Raventree78


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## Ordo

"You be careful what you say, mister barber, there are other things in life than shaving beards, and each man's a little bit different from the next."

One on many juicy Sancho Panza sayings.

Don Quixote. Cervantes.


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## Hulla Baloo

My dad.

On our engineer neighbor: "That guy can make a wristwatch out of a snow shovel."

On my first girlfriend: "She could scare a bulldog out of a butcher shop."

On the second World War (Saipan): " ."


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## d3moncow

Mistakes help you learn-unless your mistake was packing your parachute incorrectly.


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## flipgun

Everybody like a little a&& but no one likes a little wise a&&.


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## Ordo

The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.

Chinese proverb,


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## BushpotChef

Ordo said:


> The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.
> 
> Chinese proverb,


Dang, I needed that! 

Sent from my SM-J320W8 using Tapatalk


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## Tag

Me too Bushpotchef Thanks Ordo


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## d3moncow

"Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip".

-Winston Churchill


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## Tag

Lmao


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## Ordo

If the mountain won't come to Muhammad, then Muhammad goes to the sea.


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## Jolly Roger

"He who takes offense when no offense was intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense was intended is an even greater fool." by Brigham Young

"Some people go through what others say with a fine tooth comb just searching for something to take offense to". Nathanial J. Brooks


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## Tag

Good quotes


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## Tag

Are you stupid is this a trick question


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## Tag

Question, Are you stupid Answer, Is this a trick question


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## Ordo

Don't let your heart be your master.
Be the master of your heart.

Budist proverb.


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## Jolly Roger

Just when I thought we were on the same page, I found out we aren't even reading the same book.


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## Ordo

Ha! That's a good one JR. I'll keep it.


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## Jolly Roger

Ordo said:


> Ha! That's a good one JR. I'll keep it.


Yeah, I just came up with that one this afternoon while talking with a friend on the phone.


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## flipgun

There is no such thing as useless knowledge; Just knowledge with less use. You never know when the odd fact is the answer you have GOT to have.


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## flipgun

Everyone has a right to their own opinion. Without regard of how stupid, based in ignorance/predjudice or flat out wrong it may be.

Bless Your Heart!


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## Tag

Do not worry about things you cannot change


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## Tag

There are two sides to every story


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## Jolly Roger

Tag there three sides to every story. Yours, Mine and the Truth.


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## raventree78

My late wife used to say "don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff".


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## boatman

A fool returns to his folly, like a dog to his vomit....proverbs...

welsh saying...or more to the point welsh saying translated into English by an idiot in a [email protected] myself have you?

another retort I use when the younger men at work ask me where my slippers are..i just reply under your mums bed boy..


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## Tag

Welcome boatman


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## RenegadeShooter

flipgun said:


> One of my favorites is, "Duct tape will fix anything but stupid."
> 
> '


Duct Tape may not fix Stupid but it will keep Stupid quite for awhile.


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## Tag

Lol renegade shooter Welcome


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## RenegadeShooter

Thanks Tag; I certainly enjoy reading most of your posts.


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## flipgun

boatman said:


> A fool returns to his folly, like a dog to his vomit....proverbs...
> 
> welsh saying...or more to the point welsh saying translated into English by an idiot in a [email protected] myself have you?
> 
> another retort I use when the younger men at work ask me where my slippers are..i just reply under your mums bed boy..


Yo Mama's are always classic.


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## flipgun

If I was Stupid as you are Ugly, I wood nut bee abell two re... re.. :imslow: Wut?


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